Recently in Minuteman Category

Worked an open today. I hadn't worked a legit open in my department since...damn, have I ever worked a legit opening shift at The Minuteman? I seriously don't think so.

Anyway, Nena went to her parents' this weekend so I was alone when the alarm went off at 6:30a. I rolled around for a second before lying flat on my back and staring at the ceiling. It was kinda like in the original Matrix when Trinity falls flat on her back in the opening sqeuqnce and she wills herself to stand up by repeating "standupstandupstandup."

Didn't work.

Then I thought to myself. "Whatever dude, Cmdr. KITTENS! and Lt. Librarian are already at work and have been for half an hour. Shit, Cmdr. KITTENS! closed last night."

Amazing how motivational realizing it sucks more to be someone else is. I wonder if Anne Lamott's ever written anything about that?

Two real winners up at the registers today.

The first was a woman who was hacking and coughing all over me.

"I'm sorry, I'm not as well as I thought I was. I really should just go home. Don't worry, I'm not contagious anymore. I don't think."

I smile and tell her that it's OK, that I used to be a teacher so I have so much Vitamin C and company in my bloodstream, I'm a quarter orange, genetically speaking.

"OH, A TEACHER! HOW WONDERFUL! Do you miss it?"

This, is the stock response whenever someone discovers that I used to teach. Thing is...well.

As promised to Xay, here is a picture of my brother with Tim Gunn taken this summer when my brother was working in the same building where they tape the show that he's on...what's it called? Top Designer of Stuff People Wear? I dunno. Anyway, here's the pic.

In other news there are a half dozen unfinished posts sitting in my queue. There are the posts where I say something fabulous about the various commenters to this site, there's the one about why I'm a weirdo, the list of ways to be a better person by treating retail workers like they're human, a few about race, my long-promised essay on why living in this town is like living at EPCOT, the timeline of the snowstorm last weekend and another essay on race. I'll get to them, I promise. But today, a story about The Minuteman. Cuz Alphasarah's been missing them.

Damn, Rumsfeld quit. Damn.

Much like the Britney Spears divorce, it's about two years too late, but also like the Spears divorce, it's not really something we could directly control.

Anyway, the big long election post is still being hammered out. With the condition I'm getting home from ATSS in, writing just isn't possible. The amount of caffeine you injest while at ATSS is so severe, I actually had the shakes on Tuesday night. Yeah, it's not pretty, spend most of the night trying to come down off the high and then passing out as soon as I'm down. I'm working on cutting back.

It's been interesting stuff and our lead instructor (who's also the guy doing OCTS next week) is a really cool guy so the time's going by pretty quickly. Still, I'm really looking forward to OCTS and then deployment. I'm learning stuff all the time, and I'm wicked anxious to get back to The Minuteman, evaluate the situation in earnest and then get it going. Sadly, that's not gonn happen until like early December.

*Sigh*

Right, so remember that promotion I landed a while back? Well, this week starts the sequence of events that will lead to my actual commissioning as an officer out at The Minuteman.

First, I'm spending the week at Alternate Tactics and Strategy School. The first day was actually kind of interesting and I'm really digging the supplemental training in customer service, merchandising and marketing. The trainer is really pretty cool and the more I think about my future at The Minuteman, the more I realize that a corporate gig, or a traveling trainer gig might be the most fun I could have in this field, and not a bad way to go in the grand scheme of things.

It's never a good sign when customers are lined up outside the door when I unlock it at 9a.

Father Tom used to tell me that he loved doing 7a weekday mass a million times more than he liked any version of Sunday Mass. I'll never forget his littlle ritual before Sunday mass. We'd be in the back sacresty, suited up and ready to do a Sunday Mass. He'd stand there, snaking the cords of his lapel mike through the various folds of his vestments so they wouldn't show, saying, "I'd never say mass on Sundays if I could help it. But I'll always be up for a 7a weekday Mass. Those are my people, those are the true believers. They're not here to show off to their neighbors, they're here to pray. Nenie, I really Fucking hate Sundays...OK, let's go." Then he'd switch on the mike, welcome the congregation and roll out onto the floor, ready to say mass.

"Hi, can I help you find something?"

"Yes, I'm looking for a tritanium pairing knife."

Right, so, yknow, we carry tritanium pairing knives at The Minuteman so I take her over to the knife aisle, I show her the pairing knives and I pull out the tritanium one.

"Oh, no. Not this one. I wanted the limited edition 3" Rachel Ray model with interchangable fashion handles."

Right, so that one isn't on the shelf, but I figure we might have it in our inventory system so I head over to a terminal to look it up. Guess what, The Minuteman does not carry the limited edition 3" Rachel Ray tritanium pairing knife with interchangable fashion handles. I tell the customer this.

"Hrmm, Ok then, I guess I'll just have to go to the specialty knife shop downtown."

Emphasis hers.

9:30a, The Minuteman-
Nenie is up in near the front door when Joaquin, the security guard walks in.

Joaquin: Hey Nenie, how's it goin'?

Nenie: Pretty good man. You?

Joaquin: Good man. Hey, you get any customers in here in costume yet?

Nenie: Man, in this town, it's kinda hard to tell, yknow?

Joaquin: Good point man, good point.

Customer: Excuse me, do you work here?

Me: No, I don't. I just like to run around with a Minuteman nametag pinned to my chest to mess people up.

*shakes head*

Somedays you're Dante Hicks. Somedays you're Rob Gordon.

Maurice Sendak is not dead.

Shel Silverstein is dead.

Has been for seven years.

Please do not respond to seeing the new Sendak book on the shelf with "but I thought he was dead?!?"

Because he isn't.

To reiterate, Uncle Shebly- worm food. Uncle Maury, alive and publishing.

Thank you.