Divisional Playoffs 07
Well, it's that time of year again....time for me to put my 4-0 start on the line and see if Cody and Charlie can catch up.
The sad part is I have to work again on Saturday and Sunday so I'm going to have to watch the games on TiVo delay yet again. Big fun, yo. Big fun.
The upside is I'm off on Conference Championship Weekend...so I'll be able to watch those games f'real...now to get some days off for the Super Bowl...I normally have Sundays off, but I need to make sure.
OK, time for the picks.
Indy @ Ballmer
Salty Whore
Seriously, I might change this one between now and game day. Both of these AFC games are gonna be wicked hard to pick but in the end it comes down to home field advantage. Indy was undefeated at home this year and even with that kind of home record, they looked pretty flat against at KC team they should have disembowled.
What, they won big? OK, but where was the flash? The ass-kicking? It was a pretty uninspired big win. Kinda like when a college team beats a high school team, yknow? They're going to win big, but they'll keep it respectable cuz you don't want to be known as that college that destroyed a high school because they could. In other words, Oles.
Maybe Dungy took it easy on his buddy Herman, cuz really, don't we all go easy on our friends named Herman? Maybe Manning has pulled a Grossman and is only getting up for "big" games. But, like, wasn't that a big game?
Nope, Indy's crashing right now, they've been crashing for the past month and their only shelter in this storm is the RCA Dome, a shelter they have to leave for the rest of the playoffs. Plus, Manning didn't look so hot when the KC D brought any kind of pressure and methinks Ray Lewis and Co. are going to be able to, yknow, bring some pressure.
Illadelph @ Saints
NOLA
Yup, the Iggles are flying right now, but they're going to have to defeat a team with the best home field advantage in the game right now. Sure it's only a 4-4 home record, but the playoffs change everything, just look at the Pats. Plus, I checked in with Luce down in NOLA the other day to see if the town really is as behind this team as the media is making it seem, and her report is that if anything, they've been downplaying it. Up, Luce is even watching games, LUCE!!! Yeah, the Superdome is gonna be hard to visit for the Audobon Society, because that crowd is going to will their team to win.
On top of that, there's the talent on the field. Brees is wicked hott, having already led the Stormin' Shepards to the F.A.L.A.F.E.L. crown earlier this season, they have one of the most exciting rookies in the game in Colston, and that Bush kid hasn't been that bad eaither. He hasn't been the world-beater he was touted to be, but he's still pretty damned good behind McAlister. On D...Fujita and friends. Yup, The Saints are going to march right across the Iggles.
Plus, can you imagine the QB controversy next year if the Iggles win this game? It'd be terrible, they'd have to trade McNabb to Da Bears for Griese and a second round pick...wait a minute, that's not a bad idea.
Seahawks @ Bears
DA BEARS
Say what you will about Grossman, he led his team to a 13-3 record. If leading a team to a 13-3 record were easy, half of the teams in the NFL would have statues of Jeff George in front of them.
Plus, I have to believe that he spent a few days of the past 10 tied up with duct tape in the trunk of Urlacher or Briggs's car. "If you ever say anything about this to anyone we'll kill you. If you ever lack focus again, we'll put you back in the 'focusing tank.' You understand Rex? Good. Now go remember how to be a man."
Either that or there was one of those moments like that time on Scrubs where Dr. Cox gave JD those five "man" cards and every time he did something unmanly, he lost a card. Yeah.
Do I need a reason other than I'm a homer and it paid off for Al to be a homer last year? OK, fine. This is a rematch of a game we saw a few months ago. In that time Shawn Alexander has come back and Matt Hasselbeck has gone out and come back. Y'know what? It's not going to matter, this team is only as good as the crowd that's cheering them. Take them out of Qwest Field and they're good, but not great. Plus, Da Bears have always had a thing about Miami...and it's time they took some payback.
Still, it's kinda sad these two can't just find some nice salmon to share. Yknow, forest brotherhood and shit.
Pats @ San Diego
Chargers
Really, the reason for picking this one is because this win will make Boomer happy. And when he's happy, ESPN is a lot more fun to watch.
Another reason? Seriously, I could go either way on this, but like the Ravens game, I have to go with home field on this one. Brady's guys won out because they had home field last week. They didn't come out and blow the doors off of the Jets, they did what they had to do with a home crowd behind them. This game's gonna be interesting and I'm interested to see what Bruschi, Vrabel and...Seau? Seau? That's just fucked up, have in store for San Diego. But in the end, Rivers has a chip on his shoulder and LdT can run.
But, it'd be cool if the Pats waived Seau at the half and the Chargers picked him up. Or, maybe he rips off his Pats jersey to reveal a Chargers one before he spears Vrabel. That'd be sweet.
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Plus, I have to believe that he spent a few days of the past 10 tied up with duct tape in the trunk of Urlacher or Briggs's car. "If you ever say anything about this to anyone we'll kill you. If you ever lack focus again, we'll put you back in the 'focusing tank.' You understand Rex? Good. Now go remember how to be a man."
HAHHHHAAAAAAAHHHHHAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Seau is on injured reserve dude.
These aren't my picks but I thought I would comment on two things. I love whenever you can talk about how cool football would be if it were more like wrestling. I could totally see Seau (who is on the IR with a broken arm that was pretty disgusting to watch happen) rip his Pats jersey off on a goal line stand and pull LdT into the end zone after he had been stopped. They would then have beers thrown to them and celebrate together in the end zone only to have Bruschi and Vrabel simultaneously gore them, followed by Rosie Colvin hitting a perfect frog splash on LdT from the goal post. Ah, how the world is a better place in my imagination.
Secondly you talk about the "home field advantage" in San Diego. There isn't one. The Chargers were so afraid of New England fans invading for the game that they made it so that if you bought tickets from any address other than Southern California your tickets were voided. On Boston sports pages this week they are predicting between 10 and 15,000 Pats fans being at the game since there is such a huge number of Boston area transplants in LA. I'm just saying that a team that restricts ticket sales because they know that the other team travels well isn't the kind of team that can brag about any sort of home field advantage. Does that shit happen to the Bears, the Steelers, the Pats or even the Chiefs for God's sake? No, cause those are teams with real fans and real home field advantages. I'm sorry, you know how rant happy I get this time of year, thank you for putting up wtih me. The picks are coming Friday.
Your 4-0? You mean our 4-0. Picks coming soon, so far we're differing. We'll see boys...
Charlie-
Rant away, yo. That's what this is here for. And yes, SoCal sports blow, in general, because of all the transplants and the apathy of the fans...but there's still going to be a home field advantage in San Diego this weekend. Even if it comes from something as simple as playing on a field you've played on 8 other times this season. It's there.
Al-
I just thought I'd rile you a bit.
Cody-
Bad wrestling fan, no biscuit. Yeah, his ankle is broken, but that makes the heel turn that much cooler.
If your picks got an attitude, drop 'em like they're hot.
Sex Cannon vs. The Seahawks.
Bears, Da
It doesn't matter who wins, though. Either way, Sexy is getting laid that night.
Indy vs. Ray KillaMan Lewis
Not the Ravens.
Sorry. As much as I love seeing the PMan face, which is almost as glorious as the Favre face, there's just something wrong about picking Baltimore... unless Ripkin comes running out of the tunnel with a baseball bat and knocks PMan unconscious when the ref is looking the other way. That would be Sah-Weet.
Pats vs. Mr. Record Breaker
'85 Pats
So here is my game plan on Sunday, taken directly from an email I sent to my crew:
[quote]
Step 1: Sunday morning, we drag our asses to the bar.
Step 2: We watch the Bears game and drink on every Sex-terception; if there are no Sex-terceptions by the middle of the second quarter, we start drinking on attempted sex-bombs over 40 yards. Waterfall if Sexy gets pulled and Griese takes over.
Step 3: Since we'll all be too trashed to drive, we stay and watch the Pats/Chargers game, while torturing Sarah with drunken ramblings about how all we want in life is to give Tom Brady a Big Hug.
[/quote]
I don't particularly like the Chargers. Not that I like the Pats either. And the Chargers will likely win. But I do want an 85 rematch, though.
NOLA vs. Whoever NOLA is playing.
NOLA
I forget who they're playing, but I think I already mentioned the only other good team in the NFC.
As usual my picks have nothing to do with facts and everything to do with guts and blantant favoritism. It could work...
My Little Ponies vs. The Ratbirds
I'll take the Ponies because I can think of one thing redeeming about them (they lost to the Stillers last year :) )
Iggles vs. Saints
I'm still rolling with the East Side homies. P-A represent!
Seachickens vs. Da Bears
Bears. I'm not gonna bring down the wrath of Ernie, Sash, Eric and the thing from high atop the whatever. Not yet, anyway.
Chargers vs. Pats
Who is my most hated team in the NFL? And my most hated QB? Right, so clearly I can't pick them. Chargers it is.
Every week when I make my picks I try to be as serious as possible. I like to really think about them and throw all of my biases out the window. Yeah, that ain't happening this week at all. . .
COLTS VS. RAVENS
I am frothing at the mouth with anticipation of this game. I cannot wait until a man who was an eyelash away from being a convicted felon stands over the crumpled, inbred body of Mr. Manning and laughs hysterically. I don't really believe in the Ravens on the offensive side of the ball at all, then again I think they are better offensively than they were in 2000. But their defense, damn. That's all I can really say about them. Manning is going to get hit, and God help if Marvin or Reggie try and go over the middle for anything. The Colts are going to get an ass beating on par with the last time they played a playoff game on the road, a 20-3 thrashing in Foxboro that included the record setting quarterback thowing an 85 yard touchdown to Harrison, Rodney Harrison. Damn, that was a great beat down, I loved it. Anyway, the Colts have no prayer in this game, even if Kyle Boller has to play.
The Pick: RAVENS
EAGLES VS. SAINTS
This was probably the hardest pick for me to make this week. I struggled a lot with the late games on both days, but I find this one to be the toughest to pick. On one end New Orleans should have a huge homefield advantage (despite being 4-4 there this year), and on the offensive side of the ball there is seemingly no end to the amount of weapons the Saints can use. Defensively they are good, nothing spectacular, just a good solid team. You also have the intangible of the entire country wanting them to do well.
On the other hand you have the Eagles. They should have been dead and buried once McNabb went down but somehow they went on a roll with Jeff Garcia at the helm. Westbrook scares the crap out of me every week, he's the kind of player Reggie Bush eventually could be. Defensively this team has been playing out of their mind, although I think the loss of Lito Sheppard is going to hurt them.
After much delibiration I'm going to have to go with my boy Drew Brees, BOILER UP! In almost any other year he would have been MVP of the league, imagine the outcome if Nick Saban wasn't a moron and signed him instead of Culpepper.
The Pick: SAINTS
SEABAGS VS. BEARS
Darell Jackson is hurt and unlikely to play. Hasselbeck has sucked since he came back from injury. Shaun Alexander has not yet found his form from last year. Mike Holmgren called me about playing cornerback for them this week, I respectfully declined and suggested he have relations with Brett Farve.
Yes, the beloved have some problems. They need to get a pass rush, something they have been sorely lacking since Harris went down. They also need Rexy to play well, or to just put in Orton (BOILER UP!). With the weather what it is supposed to be (wintry mix, high in the mid 30's) there is no way Da Bears are losing this game.
Da Pick: Bears 89, Seabags -3.
PATRIOTS VS. CHARGERS
When I look at this game and all of the hype leading up to it I think of one game in particular. February 3, 2002. The Superdome, New Orleans, LA
New England Patriots 20
St Louis Rams 17
Going into that game the Rams were 14-2 and had rolled over the NFC. They were thought to be vastly superior to most of the teams in the NFL, certainly better than the Pats. They had a running back who was thought to have been an unstoppable force in Marshall Faulk. All year long Faulk ran wild over the NFL scoring basically at will. He had over 2,000 combined yards and 21 tuddys. Every single analyst going into this game said that there was no possible way that the Patriots were going to be able to stop him, and that if they did the rest of the Rams offense would pick up the slack cause there were damn good as well. Nothing was going to stop the Greatest Show On Turf, especially not on the artifical surface of the Superdome.
I'm going to stop here because we all know what happened. The Rams got punched in the mouth on every single play and the Pats pulled off the upset. I think the same thing will happen this Sunday. The Pats will hit everyone off of the line. They will hit LdT on every single play of the game, whether he has the ball or not. They will force Phillip Rivers to make plays and then the D will come up with the big turnovers led by Vrabel and Bruschi. What I think will be the major turning point in this game will be if the Chargers have any sort of lead, because I guarantee Marty will start playing Marty ball and allow the Pats to stay in the game, and eventually the veteran leadership of the Pats will be too much.
I also predict that this will be a game for the ages, don't miss this one for anything.
The Pick: PATRIOTS
Ravens
Saints
Bears
Patriots
THE GREATEST PLAY NEVER ALLOWED TO HAPPENED:
For the Ravens to beat Indy, the Ravens D was going to have to do the scoring...and they almost did.
When Ed Reed intercepted Manning in the fourth quarter and did the spinning lateral, THAT THE REF WRONGLY CALLED IT OUT OF BOUNDS, I said to the guy next to me at the gym 'This is another Music City Miracle.'
Did you see how Baltimore's D got reset for the return- complete with blockers and two flankers for additional laterals?
That was going for 6...and would have been the game for Baltimore. Tear.
Yup, having finally finished watching that game, I concur, that was bullshit. As a ref, you let the amazing play happen, then throw the flag to bring it back and let there be a challenge.
Kinda like on that Hester punt return in Da Bears game.