Say Goodbye (Traveling XXIV)

8.2.04 /Chicago, IL/

I woke up to find my parents' house in constant motion.

Drieg was groggily getting his act together while Mom and Dad went about their early morning business when it dawned on me. For the first time in possibly ever, my parents were preparing to leave on a road trip, without me. A road trip that would take them to my wedding.

I don' think there are the words to describe how surreal this morning was.

Figuring out where I grew up isn't the easiest task. My parents purchased the home that all the craziness was transpiring in when I was in Kindergarten. We moved there on the third to the last day of that particular grade and I spent my entire life there until I moved out at 15- only to move in with Gunder, Fesser and Mente. The next ten years, yes- ten years, would find me dropping by for the holidays and brief visits in the summer: never to actually live in this home again.

While the facts may contradict the emotion, my parents' home is, in my heart, the place where I've done my most substantive growing up. It's an amazingly magical place to me and on this morning, watching my family prepare to go to my wedding ... I could tell that there was still a lot more growing up to be done in this home- because I was doing it right then and there.

Eventually my family was gone, piled into their rental and off to drive to my wedding. Leaving me behind to catch up with them in 30 hours. When they left the house, they took with them my time and space to revel, it was now time to say some goodbyes- on my own terms.

I spent the bulk of the day driving around my hometown. I visited the parochial school where I spent every day from K-8 as a student. I drove around the perimeter, noting all the changes to the buildings over the years.

Within a few minutes, I found myself laughing at the sight of the parking lot where I'd learned my first lessons in life and love during recess. The place where I'd bummed around with Ed and Sean and written notes to Heidi or Erica... It's really a lifetime away from the world I live in now. Yet, there I was.

After that trip down memory lane I got out of the car and went into the church to pray. I don't talk much about my faith on this blog and I'm not going to go much into it now. But it just seemed like an important detail to put into this narrative. In the midst of all this, I stopped at my boyhood parish and prayed.

On my way out of the church, I walked by the parish bulletin board. Tacked up to it were the pictures of all the parishioners who are currently overseas with the military. While I didn't recognize the majority of the names that were on that board, enough of them were familiar enough to warrant a quick shudder.

These were my classmates, the friends who surrounded me during recess in the parking lot I'd just driven through. There's Mike, the class clown with the biggest Napoleon complex ever. He's a Marine now. And there's Tim- an older brother of sorts from band rehearsals in the basement of this church. He's in the Navy...

Looking at all those names, realizing how much had changed, how much was going to change and how little choice I had in the matter. For one of the (surprisingly) few times on this trip, I stood at the back of the church and cried a little.

Back in the car I blasted some Modest Mouse to get me back into the present day and drove off to Zippy's for a cheesy beef and lunch. Mmmm, Zippy's. I swear, the money that folks affiliated with St. Hubert's put into that place between 1989-1993 put it on the map. When I was in junior high, there was nothing cooler than going to Zippy's after school for pizza or a cheesy beef. Hell, there was even that one time we went there before a school dance and almost died. But that's another story for another day; today's story is that I had a sandwich with a side of nostalgia.

After lunch I hit the mall for a while before driving off to see my godfather and his wife.

Uncle Sal ... It's entirely too easy for people to underestimate this man's influence on my life. He and Aunt Angela are two of the most amazing, caring, beautiful people I've ever known. Their generosity knows no bounds and their faith is an inspiration to me. So it was with a relatively heavy heart that I drove to see them, since I was visiting because Uncle Sal's cancer has come out of remission and will keep him from making the trip to the wedding.

We had a great visit in the kitchen and I was reminded of how truly blessed I am to have these two in my life. I can only hope that I live the 40 years ahead of me as they've lived those 40 that lay behind them. I know in my heart of hearts that Uncle Sal is going to fight this thing with everything that he has. I only wish that I knew it was going to be enough.

Uncle Sal left for chemo so I decided to go for some bonus visitation and I dropped by my Godmother's place for a glass of wine. Aunt Pat and Aunt Angie have been friends since grade school and in my mind they've always come as a packaged deal. My father lived with Aunt Pat and Uncle Jim for years before he got married and for the longest time they (along with Sal and Angela) were the only extended family I knew.

Yeah, they're just as important to me as Uncle Sal and Aunt Angie are.

This meeting was a much happier one than the one just previous. Aunt Pat and Uncle Jim were in the midst of preparing to fly down to my wedding when I stopped by for my glass of wine. It was a good visit, and one that I cut short to run home and meet up with Gunder.

By the time I got back to my parents' place Gunder was sitting in his car waiting for me. We ran into my parents' house, grabbed my stuff and did a quick once over to make sure that there wasn't anything I was leaving behind ... other than an entire chapter of my life.

Then, I left my parents' house for what felt like the last time.

After that, it was time to stop saying goodbye and time to start saying hello.

Gunder and I picked up a pizza at Malnati's on the way to his place. We ate, watched TV with Belle and sat in quiet amazement at the idea of my wedding being less than a week away. It was strange enough when they'd gotten married two years earlier. Now ... it was my turn.

One by one we all turned in. I had a big day tomorrow. Another trip on a Triple Seven, my return to Albuquerque and reunion with my parents. As I fell asleep I realized that no matter how late it was to turn back now ... it really was too late to turn back now.