Changes
I've changed.
I know that this really isn't all that profound a thought. I also know that every other fucking entry here seems to be about how I've changed. But seriously, something is different.
It's 1:09a and I'm still up. I'm not really doing anything all that important, there's no reason for me to be up, I just don't want to be sleeping right now. I'm up, letting Han DJ my early morning, reading the week's worth of LJ entries I haven't had time to read and talking to people on IM.
I used to do this all the time. I used to have these late nights for no particular reason. Late nights where I'd sit up and explore the internet with Yoda, music blaring out of my stereo, bedtime coming whenever I felt like going to bed, no clock governing me.
I didn't used to think about getting a decent night's sleep, or going to class or work the next morning. I'd deal with those things when the time came and the time of reckoning wasn't right now. For now, I would stay up and explore the night. Maybe I'd call CK up and we'd hit Petricka's. Maybe I'd call Freesia and we'd get some coffee. It didn't matter, there was just a poetry to the world that I reveled in.
Now, I worry.
I worry about getting enough sleep, about getting my grading done, about doing enough reading or when the papers are going to get written. I have to hurry up and do my research, think about when I'm presenting next, when am I going to the gym. . .it just never ends.
How did any of us do it? Stay up 'til all hours, get shit done, have fun doing it. It just doesn't seem possible anymore. It just doesn't make sense anymore, but it still feels really good. I see the undergrads around me doing what I used to do, and it blows my mind. It all seems to be so long ago.
Regardless, here I am. 1:21a- Tori coming through the headphones. I had Better than Ezra before, and some Lisa Loeb and Nirvana. It feels good, it's a cool, quiet night and I'm up for no particular reason. Why don't I do this more often? I need to do this more often. I need to relax and stay up late, do stuff, be me. I'll get to class, I'll get stuff done. I just need to remember to do it the way that got me this far.
Dude I say this with nothing but love for Nena, but you've been domesticated and house-broken. It's not that you're not one of the guys anymore, it's just...you own a broom now and have to do things like clean your microwave.
The thing is Erica, Ernie didn't have a broom or even think to clean the microwave until after Nena moved in. Then he got busted. It took HER around an hour to clean the microwave.
And you're right, I don't own a broom. I prefer my Swiffer. It rocks.
Thanks for outting me, Cody.
I didn't own a broom, it's true. But I did love my Swiffer. Now, I use it to kill spiders. Very sad, really.
I can now add to list of desirable attributes in a mate:
38. Will clean microwave
(I'm already primarily looking for someone who will do my ironing)
Yeah, I used to stay up all night, for any old reason or none at all, and I would never get tired. granted, I used to drink a lot more caffeine -- not for the purpose of staying up, just for pleasure. I got soooo much more done back then. nowadays I collapse at 2 in the afternoon needing a nap and it's like, what the hell? I'm an *adult* now. I have grey hairs and spider veins, and I have to leave the bars before close because it's past my bedtime. What gives?
I don't own a broom, they're over rated. And what is this cleaning the microwave shit you speak of? I live in filth, or at least I do until tomorrow when I get up and clean for Ernie's arrival.